I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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