I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
