what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Two words: blizzard sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
