just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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