did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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