She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
