She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
