Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
