Im at strip club and am horny
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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