yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
