You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
