My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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