considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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