we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
