I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
