THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
