she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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