I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
