Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
