he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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