how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
