Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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