We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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