I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
