My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
