Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
