Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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