My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
