Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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