3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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