does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
