Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
