I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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