Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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