Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
