If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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