He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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