I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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