worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
