"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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