no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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