just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
