after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
