Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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