mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
