Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
