He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
