You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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