I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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