You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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