I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
