I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
