when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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