Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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