is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
