i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize