This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
