Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
