Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
