I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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