I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
