we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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