Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
