Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
