I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
