and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
