dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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