i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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