i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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