his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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