Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
