in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
