i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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