I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
