Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
