You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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