In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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