So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
