I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I want her autograph on my taint
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
