i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
