that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
