True but thats because hes a fetus.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
