i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
