somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
