I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
im on a boat
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