I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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