alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
