he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
