who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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