Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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