I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
