I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
