We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
