ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize