Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
